Since I’ll be in the Neighborhood, Shouldn’t I Stop By?

My husband grew up in a nuclear family without local relatives. He likes quiet and order and is perfectly happy to spend time thinking and reading by himself.

He had the (mis?)fortune to marry me–a woman who grew up in an Italian family devoted to relationships.

We don’t mind being alone, but we’re happy to include folks into whatever we’re doing. We’re polar opposites in the E and I department on the Myers-Briggs scale.

Or, as I like to say, he’d have led a really dull life without me around to complicate matters.

Since we’ll be in the neighborhood, shouldn’t we stop by?

This often comes to a head when planning vacations or other travel opportunities.  He names a place, and I think of all the people I can visit along the way.

He’s patient. “What about just us?”

“Oh, sure, it’ll be us, but if we’re in the neighborhood, don’t you think we should stop by?”

A dozen Navy moves only complicated this for him.

If we had stayed in one place, perhaps I’d be bored with the usual people in my life.

But our life hasn’t been like that. My dear friends, kindred spirits, Navy wife pals, and even relatives live all across the United States.

Or, as my sister-in-law observed, “You know somebody everywhere.”

(Not exactly. I don’t know anyone in Fargo, ND, but I do have a friend whose sister lives there . . .)

One year in desperation, my husband suggested a trip to New Zealand, “because you don’t know anyone there.”

I didn’t have to think long. “Our brother-in-law has lots of relatives there.”

“But you don’t know them. What’s their last name?”

I didn’t know, and he wouldn’t let me ask. We actually visited a continent where I didn’t know a soul.

Kids and college

When college choices rolled around for the kids, I used the same ideas.

I circled on the map all the places where close friends lived.

My reasoning?

“In case you ran into trouble, I could call a friend to help you until I could arrive.”

Our first child attended college near where three sets of aunts, uncles, and a grandfather lived.

Piece of cake.

The second child went to college where an outlaw (in-law of a family member) lived. Bonus at that school, the outlaw taught at the college. No problem.

The third child matriculated at a university 1000 miles from home. An uncle lived just a few blocks away, not to mention a host of Navy friends. He now attends grad school 35 miles from where an old friend lives in Texas.

The fourth child attended several relatives’ alma maters. Relatives visit often.

That made it easy. If there were a crisis and they needed help, I could call someone I trusted.

It also gave me someone to either stay with or visit when we drove the kids to school. 🙂

Aren’t we always in the neighborhood these days?

We live in such unusual times, where friends follow each other’s activities on a computer screen. Where cell phones enables us to reach out to our friends from anywhere in the world. But there’s something about sitting beside and listening to the voices of loved ones, particularly friends in the midst of interesting times, that calls to my soul and says, “stop in. Touch their hand. Let them see your tears. Laugh with them.”

Zoom helps, but it’s still not quite the same.

I’ve abandoned my husband this week to attend a writer’s conference in St. Louis.

One of the main reasons I signed up to go?

Friends live in St. Louis. I haven’t seen them in 10 years.

Since I’ll be in the neighborhood, why wouldn’t I stop by?

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