How Someone Else’s Wedding Changed Me

We spent the weekend at a beautiful wedding that exceeded any ceremony I’ve ever witnessed.

Probably a third of the guests were relatives, and the mini-family reunion made for a terrific celebration.

As we reflected on that glorious evening, I found myself thinking about how special every wedding I’ve attended has been.

Each one involved two people pledging their lives to each other. We’ve watched two families merging into one. We’ve danced, eaten cake, drunk punch and champagne, toasted, cheered, laughed, and cried.

They’re all special, and I’m thankful to have been present. I always cry.

I’m not sure I’ll ever attend a wedding so perfect, but even the most meager one blessed me years ago.

And it’s that simple, haphazard, and tiny marriage ceremony that ushered me into the full life of an adult Christian.

A simple wedding

Eighteen months after the wedding that really changed my life — mine — we moved to Mare Island Naval Shipyard.

I was 23 years old, ready to charge into the world.

It didn’t work out that way for me. But I still saw myself as different from the other women in my evening Bible study. I thought I was more intellectual, more refined, really, better than most.

For no reason other than my personal opinion.

And of course, my personal naval officer.

(Sigh. I promise. I’m much better now!)

We attended a Tuesday night Bible study at the Chaplain’s mansion on Captain’s Row. The gathering numbered between 20 and 30. The Chaplain and his wife served as surrogate parents for the young Navy people on the island. not to mention the folks attached to subs in overhaul.

I loved the Bible study, filled with singing, teaching, and prayer requests. I fit right in, even if my personal requests differed from others’.

One night, I learned (please remember, I was foolish) that a plain woman became engaged to a strikingly handsome man.

Wow. What did he see in her? (I was still foolish.)

They were planning a wedding and asked for prayer.

It would be small and relatively soon. If they were married, the Navy would station them together when their orders came.

I prayed with everyone else.

A drooping bride

Several weeks went by, and more prayers for the wedding. I noticed the bride-to-be, so radiant at first, was drooping.

It wasn’t a good look on her.

Besides, an engaged woman should be more excited, particularly about the wedding.

God tapped my heart.

So, I approached and asked about her plans. Did she have a dress yet?

She wrung her hands as she explained. She lived in the barracks and needed to sew her dress, but where? “How will I get it done in time?”

Thank God my pride did not quench the Holy Spirit. “Why don’t you come to my house? I’ll help you with it.”

Tears. “Really?”

She came the following Sunday when she had time off, bearing the material, the pattern, and her sewing machine. She hadn’t even started, and the wedding was two weeks away.

My heart turned over completely. “What do you need me to do?”

“Can you help me cut it out?”

“No, I mean, of course I can. But what do you need me to do to help with the wedding itself?”

The look in her eyes that day brings tears to mine today.

“Everything.”

Start with the dress

I fit the dress so she would look her best for her dashing groom, who wore his dress uniform.

She took the dress back to the barracks to finish the details, hemming and adding lace trim.

The bride-to-be and the groom-to-be came to dinner the next Sunday. I wrote out a list of everything they needed me to do for the ceremony the next Saturday.

When his intended left the room, the groom turned to me with tears in his eyes. “I can’t thank you enough. She was so lonely without anyone to help her. You’ve made such a difference to both of us.”

I smiled back. “It’s been a pleasure.”

Of course it had. I’d grown to love her myself.

The ceremony

The chaplain‘s wife brought the cake. Her teenage daughter served as the maid of honor and sole attendant.

I took charge of the punch, mints, flowers, and coffee, and set up the table. The chaplain’s wife, daughter, and I decorated a small classroom for the reception.

Fortunately, St. Peter’s Chapel, with its Tiffany-stained-glass windows, practically decorated itself.

The chaplain’s wife, daughter, and I helped the bride dress. I stood outside the chapel and made sure the bride’s gown and veil were perfect. Then she walked down the aisle on the arm of the chaplain’s 10-year-old son.

About 20 of us from the Bible study attended the ceremony.

Afterwards, we toasted with punch. We watched the couple open the dozen gifts, and threw birdseed when they hurried to the borrowed car.

They had 36 hours for a honeymoon. They couldn’t miss class on Monday morning.

It was a lovely wedding, and, as with every wedding I’ve attended, I cried.

For them, yes, but also because I had changed — for the better.

My take-away

On that day, on that charming, sweet, simple wedding day, I grew into my role in the body of Christ.

I’d been a kid before, content to be immature in my attitudes and responsibilities.

That day, I learned that even my haphazard abilities can be necessary to the Kingdom of God.

The Lord prompted my heart to ask a simple question. I’m thankful the Holy Spirit removed the selfish scales from my eyes. That day, I saw a young woman who wanted to be beautiful for her groom.

On that day, she looked radiant and beautiful in the arms of the man she loved.

Thanks be to God.

Tweetables
A plain woman’s wedding changes an arrogant woman’s heart. Click to Tweet

Is every bride beautiful? Why else would I cry at every wedding? Click to Tweet

How God changed an arrogant woman’s heart to help at a wedding. Click to Tweet

I wrote two books about (albeit fictional) brides: A Pioneer Christmas Collection and The 12 Brides of Christmas!