Assimilation to a New Community: Welcome Home

Assimilation to a new community is often the most confounding part of a move.

So, how do you assimilate after a move?

While there are things to love about a move, for many it’s daunting.

I’ve only moved fourteen times in adulthood, so my experience may not be as sweeping as others.

Ten suggestions for assimilation to a new community

Read the local papers before you move

Get a feel for the community before you relocate, learn what the main problems are and what people complain about.

You can read the paper online and learn for example, as we did, where NOT to buy a house.

Expect the last six months in the old location and the first six months in the new will be challenging.

Emotionally, physically, organizationally and personally.

During our Navy years, I tried to spend the last six months catching up on my photo albums. That gave myself a sense of ending that chapter of our life.

It also enabled me to assess if we’d missed anything we wanted to do.

Those last six months and the first six months at the new location are times of grieving.

You’re saying goodbye to people you love and remembering the missing relationships in the new spot.

Everything is in a different spot in your new residence, and so it takes longer to do things.

You have to remember where you keep the hairdryer, say, or which drawer has your first aid kit.

Part of your assimilation may involve different climates — even if it’s sunny, you may need a jacket. (A lesson I learned on a sunny Connecticut morning when it turned out to be 32 degrees outside, not 70!)

Yes, you will get disoriented as to where things are and how long it takes to do everything.

Set up beds first, then organize the kitchen.

Sleeping in your own bed is important.

If you can cook a meal or make coffee without having to unpack a box, life will go more easily.

Move during the summer if possible

Moving in the summer allows you to put your kids in fun activities and camps. That can help them make friends quickly and give them something to do.

My older children learned how to sail in Pearl Harbor when we arrived in late June. I happily spent the money to keep them entertained with local kids five afternoons a week for four weeks!

Meanwhile, I unpacked . . .

Give yourself permission not to unpack every box immediately.

Life is more important than having your boxes unpacked and pictures hung inside a week. No one is scoring, not even Navy wives.

Group items in the new house near the same items they were grouped with in the old.

I found the tripod the day I asked myself, “Where did we keep the tripod in the last house?”

When I went to the jacket closet, there it was.

When my mother-in-law couldn’t find her daughter’s cookie sheets, I asked her where she kept them in her house.

“Right here where they belong, above the oven.” Mary opened the cupboard door and there they were!

Even though unpacking boxes is physically strenuous, make sure you get exercise away from the house.

Take walks, ride your bike, and explore the beach.

Assimilation into your new community means spending time there!

Getting outside can revive your spirits when the boxes never seem to end.

Take fun outings to the local tourist spots

What if the petrified forest seems like a corny idea? You can always learn something about local history and geology.

You can gain insight into your new communities if you experience what they’re famous for.

Now I try to do them in the first months. Too many times, I’ve lived somewhere for years and never made it to local tourist attractions.

Treat everything like an adventure

Who cares if you get lost? It’s a chance to see and learn about a new part of town.

Find your old friends in your new place

Assimilation into a new community goes better if you can find folks who share your interests.

Consider spots such as a church, scouts, music, soccer, the gym, or reading groups.

See my post here about finding a new church.

Get a library card

I always get a library card first thing.

(The apartment manager in Orlando was so shocked that I asked the location of the closest library. “No one has ever asked me that before,” that she gave us a discount on our security deposit!)

A librarian can suggest tips about the best hiking, museums, and local history.

My current library has both reading groups and a quilting group. You can also check out a local park pass for three weeks!

Ask locals for recommendations

If you know someone in the area, ask them to for suggestions about doctors, dentists, hairdressers, shopping, gym, and restaurants.

It’s also a great way to start a conversation with a stranger.

If the choice is between laughing or crying, laugh.

Assimilation into a new community takes time.

You may make mistakes.

It is absurd. You’ll figure things out eventually, but your emotions are caught up in frustration that needs to be worked through.

Just laugh.

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