What Do You Do with Rejection?

What do you do with rejection?

Personal, private, public, and/or unexpected?

I’ve struggled with personal rejection.

It hurt a lot.

Personal Rejection

Personal rejection is simply that–someone rejected you for something you said, did, or how you behaved.

Many people can be “against” you, but the most painful rejection usually comes from someone you love.

It can catch you blindsided, and that may be even worse.

If you didn’t see the rejection coming, how do you know how to respond?

You have to choose how to react, often on the spot. Do you respond with

• Anger?
• Denial?
• Refusal?
• Bitterness?
• A snappy and ugly retort?
• A fist in the nose?

Or, maybe like me, you simply went quiet and saved the tears for later.

Along with their companion, grief.

And their cousin, loneliness.

How did Jesus respond to rejection? Does it help?

Isaiah 53:3 provides the classic answer: “He is despised and rejected by men, A Man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.”

The Pharisees rejected Jesus. Their non-buddies, the Sadducees, rejected Jesus.

Even some of His disciples rejected the idea that Jesus would die in Jerusalem.

John 15:25-27 recounts that the people hated Jesus without cause.

They rejected Him and His death on behalf of their salvation.

Knowing Jesus provides a list of the 11 main ones. Bible Gateway described Jesus as rejected a dozen times in the NKJV.

In my case, I asked the Lord for an example of how to respond.

He took me to one verse in Acts 8:32 (NKJV): “He was led as a sheep to the slaughter; And as a lamb before its shearer is silent,
So He opened not His mouth.”

So I said nothing.

Even as people I cared about slandered me and my character.

The oratorio from Handel’s Messiah rang in my ears, too.

I slipped up from time to time.

Then I confessed my sin — because to me it was a sin — and Jesus forgave me.

And comforted me.

Being and feeling rejected is uncomfortable.

The irony

Several years ago, I wrote a novel — about rejection.

It was rejected.

The novel probably won’t be published.

But, as a result of writing the novel, I thought about rejection a great deal.

And I was reminded of several important points.

The verse my heroine used to comfort herself: Romans 12:8: “So much as is possible depends on you; live peaceably with all (wo)men.”

And then words from friends:

Magda closed the computer program. “You must harden yourself. People get rejected for foolish reasons. Why allow yourself to be hurt by an unknown person’s bias?”

Simon reached for his lap desk. “There’s a difference between being rejected for your work or for something you say, then for being rejected for who you are.”

 “Do you think so, Simon?” Trish asked.

 “I have to. Magda is right. People’s reasons for rejecting someone may not have anything to do with quality or fairness. Prejudices, misunderstandings, misplaced hopes; they all can play a part in a person feeling rejected, whether it’s true or not.”

Don’t you love it when your own book is wiser than you are?

So, how do you heal from a personal rejection?

Several points helped me.

• Examine your heart.
• Is the reason for your rejection legitimate?
• Did you do something wrong–whether on purpose or not?
• Do you need to apologize?
• Should you change?
• What does God think?
• What do people who love you think?
• Does God have a verse for you to meditate upon?

Then what?

• Go ahead and grieve
• Deal with emotional reactions privately.
• Remember the Lord will never leave you or forsake you.
• Do not make life for everyone worse by seeking revenge.
• Listen to how God is directing your steps–ask Him what your response/non-response should be.
• Move on to something else–as the Lord leads you.
• Deal with your anger responsibly.
• Find a benign, non-vengeful response for people who ask you what happened.
• Do not slander.
• Sometimes you just need to remove yourself.

Other thoughts

• You can be angry, but sin not. (Ephesians 4:26)
• Turn to hope, instead of despair. (Romans 5:6)
• Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Romans 12:21)
• Jesus loves you; nothing befalls you that He does not see. He will comfort you. (Isaiah 41:10)
• And God always has a plan. (Jeremiah 29:11)
• Forgive, forgive, forgive.

It just doesn’t always look the way we expect it to!

How about me?

It’s been an interesting exercise.

Sometimes I do well.

Sometimes I don’t.

And when I don’t–I just head back to sit in God’s lap, confess, feel comforted, and start all over again.

Usually in better spirits!

Thanks be to God!