So what does forgiveness really mean?
How can you tell if you’ve really forgiven someone?
What crept in to show your forgiveness was not as complete as you thought?
How does your heart change when you forgive?
What does forgiveness really mean–and why ask?
Forgiveness is at the heart of Christianity–anyone who claims to be a Christian knows that.
Jesus died to forgive our sins.
Period.
I’ve always enjoyed the image that when we are Christians–claiming Jesus’ death to forgive our sins–God looks at us through “Jesus-colored” glasses.
That means God sees Jesus, not us.
My sin–whatever I did–is forgiven.
Scriptures in abundance describe forgiveness and its benefits. Here are several from the New King James Version:
- Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven. Psalm 32:1
- To the Lord our God belong mercy and forgiveness, though we have rebelled against Him. Daniel 9:9
- If you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. Mark 11:25
- God has exalted Him [Jesus] . . . to give repentance to Israel and forgiveness of sins. Acts 5:31
- In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins. Ephesians 1:7
The crux of the matter is HOW can we tell if we have–or have not–forgiven someone?
As in, how do our words and actions demonstrate we have given forgiveness, once and for all?
What does forgiveness mean to me?
It often means I have to work harder than saying, “You’re forgiven.”
Sure, I may have said those words, but what is my heart doing?
I’ve written before about Jim Wilson’s booklet How to be Free from Bitterness. (See blog post here. Clicking on the title link takes you to a free PDF version of the booklet.)
When I heard him speak 30 years ago, I bought the booklet, and it changed how I examined my heart. If I carried bitterness, or its attitude (particularly in words)–had I truly forgiven someone?
What I particularly appreciated was:
- If I kept talking about my indignation over something, I was bitter–and thus hadn’t forgiven whomever.
- If I kept reviewing what I said or didn’t say, I was not forgiving. Indeed, I was planting and nourishing a seed root of bitterness. (BibleHub explains the contrast well, here.)
- Forgiveness means recognition, but a deliberate choice to let it go in my words and expressed attitudes.
- If I keep complaining, I haven’t forgiven.
Frankly, it’s hard to keep hearing someone insist they’ve forgiven, but then keep bringing up the hurt.
I’m too often guilty of such an attitude myself. When I recognize it (usually when complaining), I confess my sin to God and ask for forgiveness.
God always forgives.
But isn’t forgiveness once and done?
Yes, of course.
Except when it isn’t.
What?
My favorite passage on this subject comes from 1 John 1:8-9:
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
Confessing aloud makes you feel awful in the moment, especially if you’ve already confessed the sin.
James 5:16 tells us to “confess our sins to one another” that we might be healed.
Sometimes we need a friend to help us process what happened. We need a Christian to join us in our request for help and forgiveness.
But sometimes we simply need to hear the words aloud by another believer: “I have heard your confession. You’re forgiven.”
My prayer partner served that purpose for 18 years.
I’m grateful.
And I miss her.
Fortunately, I have other people in my life who love me well enough to say those words. But they also challenge me. “Are you sure you’ve forgiven that person?”
(I hate it when that happens).
But then I pray, confess, and resolve to turn away from that sin.
How to express and feel like you’ve granted forgiveness?
Psalm 139: 23-24 gives us the words:
Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.
Thanks be to God.
(Wikimedia Commons)
Thoughts? Reactions? Lurker?