Have You Been Asked to Forgive?

Have you been asked to forgive someone?

As in, someone came to you and asked you to forgive them.

Has it ever happened?

Did you forgive them?

What changed in your heart?

What difference does it make if you’ve been asked to forgive?

I’m part of a prayer ministry. We often pray with people needing inner healing.

One of the main keys to inner healing is forgiveness.

A logical question is, “Do you forgive X?”

Some protest, “They don’t deserve it.”

Or, “You don’t know what X did to me.”

Both of those statements are true.

But, Jesus didn’t waffle about granting forgiveness.

Here’s a list of 30 times Jesus spoke about the need to forgive others in the Bible.

While he is sympathetic to the pain someone has caused, we still need to forgive.

Why is it important to forgive–“No matter what they did to you?”

Jesus told us to.

Here are reasons why forgiveness benefits both people.

“Because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” – James 1:20

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” – Mark 11:25

“So watch yourselves. If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” – Luke 17:3-4

“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” – Colossians 3:13

Anger as a result of no apology

Sure, we can forgive someone whether or not they ask for it.

We need to for our own soul’s sake.

But I’ve known too many people who say they have forgiven, but who don’t act like it.

“Of course I forgave him,” is tossed off immediately after someone asks the question.

But their shrug and blithe answer too often suggest that the act of forgiveness may not have touched their hearts.

However, when we run into people who have been deeply wounded, we try a different tactic.

On behalf of the person who sinned, we take their role.

Say, it’s the person’s mom–who often is dead, or may not be in a position to apologize.

“I’m going to take the role of your mother. On her behalf, I’m going to ask you to forgive me. Is that okay with you?”

I’ve never had anyone say no.

I then say, “I want you to know how sorry I am for the hurt I caused you. Will you forgive me?”

(My words/sentiments often are longer than that, but you get the idea.)

It’s surprising to me how emotional I get.

I’m just standing in for the person who hurt them — and then never asked for forgiveness.

(Maybe they had a cold heart; most often, they’re dead or don’t realize the pain held.)

The results of forgiveness?

For the recipient, there’s a person standing in front of them and apologizing.

They may never have heard that apology — the one they’ve sought for years.

I often feel their grief when I stand in for the individual and finally apologize.

I get tears in my eyes!

Does that help the “victim”?

Hearing the words–even if I don’t look like their mom–often causes a hurting dam to break.

Somehow, probably the Holy Spirit, it frees them to finally accept the apology they never got.

You can almost see the pain lifting off.

And Jesus moves in to console, to love, and to assure them that He knows their pain.

He forgives them, too.

Why can it be so hard to release forgiveness?